I’ve been granted tenure in an institution known as “senior citizenship.” Entrance requirements: chronological time, entropy, complaint density, and bone density.
Turning 91 has meant (a) seeing the birth of our great-grandson, Evan, (b) taking stock of wisdom I have heard and gleaned through my experience I believe worth passing on to Evan, (c) creating original rules for Evan to live by. Here’s the wisdom:
“Always hold the banister,” according to Linus Pauling, who won two Nobel Prizes. I follow this injunction religiously. Linus said this in response to the question, “How come you lived so long?” I’m planning to outlive Linus.
“Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest,” Mark Twain said. I like this. Gentle humor. Slightly subversive. Sophisticated. A model for me to absorb and quote on many occasions thereafter, but never to equal. Always tell the truth. Some people are surprised when I tell outrageous truths. Be careful here.
“Love your neighbor as yourself” — my portion of sacred text from Jewish wisdom literature that I made a part of my bar mitzvah comments. I practice this as often as I am able. My neighbor was a frequent beneficiary. Sadly, he died recently. This neighbor was goodness incarnate. I miss him very much. I still practice loving neighbors.
“Living well is the best revenge,” a Spanish proverb. It’s a good reaction to criticism leveled at me or anyone. It makes me remember that I do live well. I live even better if someone maligns me. It’s refreshing.
“Never run for a bus,” Mel Brooks said in “The 2000 Year Old Man.” I know he was being ironic, telling Carl Reiner about something that didn’t exist 2,000 years earlier. He was relying on the disconnect between current technology and the past absence of technology to make humor. I took note. “So that’s how you make people laugh.” I tried to incorporate the idea afterward to make people laugh. Not sure I was able to do this, but it gave me a start. Whenever I see a bus that I should be running to, I think of Mel and Carl, comic geniuses both.
“What comes from the heart goes to the heart.” This comes from Jewish wisdom literature. I practice this religiously. People respond to honest emotion. And I love it when people respond emotionally.
“A hero is one who can convert an enemy into a friend.” This comes from the Talmud. Compare this to the Greek definition, as illustrated in “The Iliad” and “The Odyssey”: “A hero is one who dies bravely in battle.” Jewish wisdom is rich in life-affirmation.
“Spend all you have for loveliness, / Buy it and never count the cost.” This comes from a poem by Sara Teasdale, sent to my wife by her mother. It urges us to go for the best always. I aspire to emulate this, but often fall short due to inconsistency, or maybe parsimony.
“Always punch above your weight.” This comes from boxing, but I try to apply it to everything I do, to my writings, to my research, to my teaching, to my choice of friends. I try, anyway.
“When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.” This comes from Abraham Heschel, an important Jewish thinker and philosopher. Kindness is a life-affirming trait. Cleverness can be merely trivial and transient.
“Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you,” according to Rashi, a famous Jewish sage. Take it in with love, with gratitude, and with warmth.
“Nobody’s perfect.” This comes from Billy Wilder’s movie “Some Like It Hot” in response to the statement by Jack Lemon in drag, “I’m a man!” It applies to everybody and to everything. At 91, though not perfect, I’m better than I should be.
“Do It Again,” a song by George Gershwin, speaks to me because it advises us to enjoy life. If something feels good, maybe try doing it again.
Einstein said he was not smarter than anyone else, he just stayed with a problem longer. I live by this advice every day.
In My Own Words
Now, inspired by these great thinkers, I have fashioned my own words to live by, building on their good ideas. Here they are.
“Take frequent naps.” This is a newly acquired hobby. At 91, I have very little reserve energy. So I have to make the most of the energy I have. Naps do their job. They bring back the lost energy I might never have found. On a good day, I take two naps: one late morning, one midafternoon. They do not prevent me from sleeping well at night. I’m a better person when I wake up after naps. Highly recommended.
“Love life, love family, love friends, love nature.” This is my affirmative outlook from my perch, where I try to incorporate the best of everything. Try it. It works. It helps create a well-lived life.
“Marry up” is what I learned to do — but it took two instances to get it right. Now is the best of two. I got unlucky the first time, very lucky the second. So glad I learned this important lesson on so few tries.
“Never use superlatives, never!” I just said my marriage was the best. So I didn’t follow my own advice. “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds” (Ralph Waldo Emerson). So be it.
“Always choose the right grandparents” is an impossibility, of course. But it’s meant to focus attention on the enormous power of heredity. Maybe most of who we are is attributable to our genetic endowments. In Japan, I was told, “Each of us has three unequal parts: the part of us that’s our mother, the part of us that’s our father, and the part of us that’s neither.” I would suggest that the part of us that’s neither is the smallest part, however measured.
What am I missing?