Bonnie Munshin, the elegant force of nature who for more than three decades presided over the front room of Nick and Toni’s restaurant in East Hampton and became a beloved gatekeeper of a colorful part of the town’s social life, died of dementia-related causes on Oct. 30 at the Village Walk assisted living facility in Patchogue. She was 84.
Ms. Munshin, who lived on Harbor View Lane in Springs, helped define the social geography of the South Fork’s summer season, presiding over the restaurant’s most coveted seats and managing a roster of A-list diners and loyal regulars with a blend of warmth, firmness, and discretion. Regulars learned that if they wanted a prime table they asked for Bonnie; if Bonnie said no, that was the end of the conversation. If Bonnie knew who they were, they knew they had made it.
Several prominent regulars at the storied restaurant praised Ms. Munshin in a 2013 article in The New York Times. “Seeing Bonnie is like finding a lighthouse on a stormy sea,” the actor Alec Baldwin told The Times. The chefs Bobby Flay (“a study in consistency”), Eric Ripert (“what you want to see at the door”), and Alfred Portale (“an image of calm”) were similarly effusive. The cookbook author and television host Ina Garten declared her “the most powerful person in the Hamptons” when it came to the Saturday seating chart.
Born on March 12, 1941, in Burbank, Calif., to Ellis Pohlmann and the former Anne Marie Strand, Ms. Munshin trained as a dancer and by her midteens was performing with the Los Angeles Civic Light Opera, appearing in a 1959 production of “Oklahoma!” She married Jules Munshin, an actor, and continued to dance and move in the theatrical circles of mid-20th century show business. The couple had two sons, David and Stephen.
After her husband’s sudden death when their children were young, she and a companion bought a three-masted schooner with their friends Nancy and William Nagle, schooling her sons at sea before settling on St. Thomas in the Caribbean, where, in her initial foray into hospitality, she took a waitressing job to support her family.
A return to the mainland led Ms. Munshin to the New York restaurant world, where she learned the craft of front-of-house management working with the Ark Restaurant Group. She honed her soft-power style in a series of restaurants, including Poiret on Manhattan’s Upper West Side and then as general manager at Larry Forgione’s An American Place. After the death of her older son, David, at 24, she moved to East Hampton in the early 1990s. She wrote to the owner, Jeff Salaway, and soon joined Nick and Toni’s, becoming the steady, vigilant presence on the floor that patrons would rely on for decades.
Her manner was understated, but she was firm about privacy and decorum. She navigated bruised egos, split custody of tables after public separations, and ran interference on the occasional autograph seeker with tact and, when needed, a cool resolve.
In addition to hundreds of hours spent indulging, laughing, and traveling with her grandsons, Milo and Cecil Munshin of Sag Harbor, she took trips to India, Myanmar, and Morocco with friends. She relished supporting friends’ art openings, taking in new theater shows and films, and visiting new and favorite restaurants. She had no time for self-pity or regret, her family said. Rather, she moved on with something akin to abandon, leaning into good food and drink and time with family and friends.
In her 60s, Ms. Munshin took up spin classes, approaching an indoor cycling regimen with the same energy and passion she brought to every part of her life. Friends said the classes not only kept her vigorous but expanded her social life, introducing her to a new circle of companions who joined her for post-class coffee and weekend gatherings — another way she made and kept friends well beyond the restaurant’s door.
After she moved into semi-retirement, Ms. Munshin remained a weekend presence at Nick and Toni’s, continuing to tend the front of the house and offer the steadiness many patrons came to value.
In addition to her grandsons, Ms. Munshin is survived by her son Stephen Munshin and daughter-in-law Lindsay Morris of Sag Harbor; her son David’s widow, Sally Rousse of Minneapolis; a cousin, Jon Pohlmann of New York City; her dearest friend and co-pilot at Nick and Toni’s, Kirsten Benfield of East Hampton, and her extended family at the restaurant.
Funeral arrangements have yet to be announced. Ms. Munshin’s family has suggested memorial contributions to the Alzheimer’s Association, at alz.org.
