Don't Stand By
East Hampton
November 2, 1998

To The Editor,

On the weekend that Thomas Jefferson's long-term relationship with his black slave, that started when she was 14, has been proven to have incontrovertibly taken place, we hold a vigil in East Hampton to remember three people who were killed because they were black, homosexual, and pro-choice. The 200 years of denial surrounding Jefferson's relationship is very much corollary to the historical denial of who we are as a country.

Should we be more shocked by the killing of these men or by the fact that we are so shocked? At the vigil many speakers spoke of the American tradition of democracy and freedom as if there were a time in our history when we weren't racist, homophobic, and didn't discriminate against everyone we could discriminate against. From day one we have been able to rationalize killing the Indians, slavery, child labor, abusing women, abusing immigrants, and denying everyone we could their constitutional rights on whatever premise we could contrive.

Everyone who has ever been able to access their constitutional (dare we say God-given) rights has had to battle for them. No exceptions. The Constitution has always been an ideal that we have been working to attain. We are, as a country, a work in progress. Very slow progress. For each step forward we take two backward.

Fifty years ago we were lynching black people. Now affirmative action has gone too far. Twenty years ago homosexuals barely existed. Now they are a menace to society. Thirty years ago women were getting butchered by illegal abortion specialists. Now doctors who perform legal abortions are getting their heads blown off. Our Government has cut every welfare program, every school program, and every support program for the poor and the elderly.

Reality is often difficult to swallow. We call the Republican majority and the Christian coalition lunatics. We find their racism, homophobia, and anti-abortion zeal aberrant. But we are wrong on all counts. They are part of the mainstream of this country. They are a big piece of its soul. They have always existed and will always exist. They are as American as apple pie, just as we are. If we don't accept that we are sick, we will never get cured. If we deny who we are, we will never get to know ourselves.

At the vigil on Friday night a few hundred people stood up and said they wouldn't accept this garbage anymore. But our politicians and our churches continue to spew out the hatred and the venom and we do nothing about it. While they may be directly to blame, so are the rest of us who stand idly by and accept that part of America that is so grotesque, so miserable, and so hateful.

NEIL HAUSIG

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Misinformed
Amagansett
October 30, 1998

Dear Helen:

The thoughts expressed by J. Schembri (Oct. 29) about gay youth and adults are at the very least misinformed. Gay men and women and gay youth do not choose to be gay. We are gay by our natural, given sexuality. It is something discovered, not chosen. Organizations like Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth provide support for youth coming to terms with their sexuality, which is an extremely painful process given what is stacked against them culturally, religiously, and often from their families.

No adult can make a youth or another person into a homosexual. It's an absurd thought because the person already is homosexual by his or her own nature. Why should this be so, that some of us are naturally homosexual? Who knows? Why are some people naturally left-handed? It's not the question anyway. What is important is how each of us lives his or her life given our natural orientation, heterosexual or homosexual.

It is attitude such as J. Schembri expresses that makes it that much more difficult for gay youth or adults to claim their integrity as persons. It is an attitude that supports the tragic consequence of a gay person suppressing his or her true character in order to appear straight, living a lie. It is an attitude that lends weight to the youthful thought that it might be better to die than face society's condemnation. It is an attitude that plays into the violence that hostile words elicit.

If J. Schembri is concerned with what is good, as he asks in conclusion, he might consider the value in nurturing youth to be men and women of character, no matter what their orientation. He might consider applauding their courage to stand against the bigots and hatemongers in society, regardless of their own sexual orientation. He might listen rather than condemn outright, and see the value in the work of organizations and individuals who provide safe haven and counsel to our youth. And he might refrain from demonizing gay men and women in projecting dark thoughts onto their good work in our communities.

I also support J. Schembri in his contribution to the public discourse on the subject, anticipating as he suggests (hopes?) will be a truckload of letters in reply. If the correspondence encourages just one youth to be true to himself against all odds, it will be worthwhile.

Sincerely.

REV. ROBERT B. STUART